Reflections on the 2011 Boston Marathon

Ryan Hall's Reflections

My sister sent me this blog entry by Ryan Hall-a top competitive runner here in the US. In fact he came in 4th in the Boston Marathon. That's pretty awesome. What I didn't know was that he is a Christian. His entire blog details his struggles and triumphs in his running career and how he leans on his faith. At the Boston Marathon he said he finally felt like he let himself run on faith. God had made him for greatness in running and that was enough to keep him going.

I found that so strange to read. He knew he was good at running, but he insisted that the credit for it be given to God. He doesn't take for granted that he is good and talented. His talent gives him all the more reason to put his faith in God. Just because he was good doesn't mean he can work apart from God.

I've been struggling with greatness lately. God has blessed me immensely with talents and abilities. That used to make me prideful. I was fearless, but not because I had faith in God, because I had faith in myself that I could do anything. Things like running a marathon, for example. The race was a lot of fun. It was fairly easy and I only had minor soreness for a few days afterwards, but my sister who ran it with me has had chronic athletic injuries for the past few years and struggled. She has a history of stress fractures and soft tissue damage on her shins. By mile 3 she had shooting pains in her right shin. She ran the whole race, even though she was in pain. I kept thinking I have to keep running so that she keeps running. I kept praying to God that He would make it stop and she could enjoy running. I even thought it'd be better if I was in pain. But I was fine the whole time. I am not thankful enough in situations like that. And then it makes me think I cannot possibly deserve to be great. God must have made a mistake letting her suffer and me come out fine. I cannot possibly deserve to be successful. So I try to mask my greatness, I downplay my accomplishments, I try not to dream, because being great gets in the way of God's glory.

I've just learned how wrong that is.

I love how Ryan Hall expressed that his running ability was as much God's glory as it was his own. I can't feel bad that something in my life is easy and good and it might not be for others. I thought I was putting God first by trying to get rid of my desires to be great at all I do and now I realize what an insult that is to God. Living by my faith does not mean that I throw away all the things I do here on earth. God created me how I am and what He purposed is not a mistake. I'm moving so tentatively lately-I've lost all the confidence I used to have. I'm scared. I doubt that what God is doing is right.

But I don't have to anymore.

Last night at our Good Friday Service we were asked to confess something specific that had to do with our unbelief toward God. We were to put it on a red slip of paper and come forward and nail it on a wooden cross. My thought was that I needed to confess my doubt that God wants good for me and that He wants to fulfill all my desires. I keep living like He isn't going to do what I want and when He does give me something good I live as if I need to not mess it up or He might take it away. Instead I need to live by faith. The good and bad will come and it doesn't hinge upon my performance. I can use my talents for greatness and if I mess up and everything falls apart God isn't going to take that away from me. I used to say I was waiting for God so I didn't want to put all my effort into one thing because maybe it would be the wrong thing. Now I know that I can run-and run hard-in the direction my life is going with faith set before me, that He WILL direct me. It's not an up in the air thing that I need to take control of.

I've nailed the doubt and fear to the cross to die with Christ. And what rises with Him on Easter Sunday is God's promise to me, that my faith in Him will keep me going

And I don't have to be afraid to be great. God is my father. I am His child and He loves me and wants to see me shine. Whether I make it or not, His love is there. And that is the faith that has to go before me. That is the faith that will get me through the race.